On Her Own ...

She sat staring at the walls. What does one do next ? Get up and do a dance ? Too Debra Messing. Hmmm... Maybe she should just open the windows n start yelling. That would certainly leave a mark on some memories. To quadruple happiness, news is shared with people who care. She couldn't think of any. The thought made her sad. And that she was sad at the time when most would be fainting with joy, made her sadder.

She got up and walked over the the mirror. She wouldn't be winning any beauty contests, but she sure knew how to make heads turn when she wanted to. Her hair n eyes were secondary only to the confidence in her strut. Her spunk was her virtue n weapon, getting her through one crisis after another, like a quarterback barreling through the football field of life. And now in she liked what she saw in her reflection. She was her own person. No favors, no support, no relatives, no friends. Just her and her desire for a better life. She was a realist. She didn't begrudge anyone , their indifference. Everyone looked out for themselves. Some just had to be mean or selfish in order to get what they want. That just made them pathetic. She'd learned a long while ago to rise above that. Words, actions they all became meaningless after a while. OH! she knew there were good people out there. They'd be kind, ask her how she was doing, laugh when she made a wise crack, put up with her stubborn wisecracks, even respected her and she knew most of that was coz she was good at whatever she put her mind to. They didn't Feel for her. It wasn't that wasn't that she wasn't to be blamed. Having been bitten and poisoned before, she kept her distance from everyone. Better safe than sorry. She had her plate full anyway. Working, studying, then her part time, earning a degree and now her residency. Life was certainly not easy but she kept it as simple as she could. She knew they saw her as a bitch at times but damned if she wasn't going to be a successful bitch !!

The TV was still on. The celebrations of the moment were over, the people from afar away who'd shared their false joy with her.The commercials had come on. She looked down as she opened her palm and looked at the lottery ticket. A show of gratitude from a poor father whose baby she had delivered last week. With nothing else to give, the compulsive gambler had given her his weekly ticket. She'd tried to give it back to him but he'd said, he was sharing his luck with her. Maybe she could do something good with it for even if he won he would just waste it all away. Besides, he said, she deserved far more. She'd laughed at the thought that her luck could bring her anything without slogging for it first. But the man's gesture had touched her, renewing her faith in humanity. That he was willing to part with his cherished ticket to gift her with something meant that all was not lost in him either. Someday he would see the light. And That had made her happier than This ticket.

She'd have to go tomorrow to claim her prize. The thought exhausted her. Soon, life would change. People would claim she was their best friend. They'd swarm like bees to get a ride on the wave. Men would come a knocking to woo her. Relatives who had disowned her would renew old ties, leering at her for a show of gratitude. All the attention and glamor might to to her head. No ! She didn't want any of that. Being rich changed people, made them drunk on luxury. But then, wouldn't it be good to have an easy life. Just once, to be able to have people around her. To afford all that she'd ever craved, including love ! No matter what anyone said, money did buy happiness. For life was so much easier then, even if was all just a mirage of wealth ....

She grasped the ticket tight, picking up her coat, she walked out of her apartment. Her pace increased as she ran down the stairs. Opening the building's gate, a cold blast of air hit her face renewing her resolve. As she walked down the street, she came across one of the many faces that graced her day with a friendly hello. A homeless lady, who lived in a cardboard house beside the garbage dump. No matter how badly her clothes reeked, her face always glowed in the pride of being independent. She always threw a hearty hello along everyone one's way with a word or two of concern. In her mind, she'd named this woman " bright lady ", and it was in This lady's lap she dropped the piece of paper. She kept walking, thinking about the next day and saying a silent prayer that the money does Some good to the Bright Lady in her last days.

Happiness like all else in Her life, would be earned....

A Sparkling Beginning !!

He ran towards the lights. She was half running, half stumbling behind him trying hard to compose herself by not laughing too hard. " Sweeti, Abhi, hold on ! I'm way old to be running with you. "

"No you're not mama. You catch me all the time when we play hide and seek. Come soon.", he giggled, turning, grabbing her hand and dragging her through the brightly decorated entrance in his puny hands.

As they walked into the fair, the pair stared awestruck at the lights and the many rides, big and small arranged in the park. The spicy aroma of delicious food and sweets grabbed at their nostrils luring them deeper in. They slowly worked their way through Most of the stalls, playing games, eating too much cotton candy, sweets and spicy fast foods, trying as many rides as they could together, all the while laughing and giggling.

Parvati marveled at the memories they were making. Just her, her son and their life together. As her son ran and climbed onto the carousel, she thought back to the years that lay behind these cherished moments of happiness. All the years of abuse- physical and mental. The pain, the suffering by the hands of the man who was her husband. At first hanging onto the false hope that one day the love, they had shared in their adolescence would return. Each time he said sorry, she forgave him lovingly, praying that God graced him with some change. But that was not to be. He too was brought up in a male dominated society, spurned by a low threshold for anger. She wasn't stupid. In time, she realized it was she who had to change, but she just couldn't. Not till she had some skills to rely on for bread and butter. For else, she had no where to turn. And then as she took classes secretly, she had Abhimanyu, her only light and her biggest chain tying her to a miserable life. She knew he would never let her walk away with his son. So she stayed. No excuses left.

Until the day, he broke all barriers and did the one thing she would never forgive him for. She threw their son, her heart across the room, as he lunged for her. That was the day, all her patience, love, broke - giving way to the tides of anger she held within her. She beat him, and as he was down in shock and surprise she kept hitting him till he was a mere inch of life. Warning him to stay away from them, she walked away with her son and a bag she packed every week in the hope that she would find the courage one day.

"Ma, look how Big he is. "

As she looked at the Huge, beautifully decorated effigy of Ravana, full of fireworks, she wondered at the parallels to her life. Here stood another who once was good, but got so full of his own power that he had to be stopped. As they lit the Ravana, the facsimile burst alive with flames.

As her son clapped his hands in glee, marveling at the spectacular fireworks that were now erupting, she smiled to herself. Feeling similarly purified, knowing that all evil in her life too had turned to ashes, giving way to hope and beautiful memories. A brand new start, a brand new life ....

Bus Stop

It had been 45 minutes. Another day when the sweltering sun was turning her red. Inside and Out. With every minute passing by her frustration at her situation was increasing. How many times in the past years had she found herself standing at this bus stop in the heat, bearing stares of passers by, even lewd looks ? She was sick of it. She looked around searchingly. Another bus came, and passed her by. She scanned for his familiar face in the mist of strangers and looked away instantly in fear that her curiosity be mistook for interest. Men !! Whenever they were to meet, it was the same. She waited for him. He took his own sweet time in coming and then made some lame excuse about why he was late. Each time she was left aghast at his callousness in regard to her. She adapted by coming late and he adapted by coming later. In the many times before, she knew she should have just left. She would be sticky with sweat and her legs would start aching but she'd keep waiting in case he came within the next few minutes and she missed him by a second or two. It wasn't just this. Nothing was right, she fretted. But they were in love. Wasn't love supposed to make everything right ? In love, every little or big hindrance is overcome and cherished. Isn't it ? Then why was it that with each passing day, she felt she was the only one trying to pull their bond forward, unsuccessfully. She couldn't remember last when she'd smiled or been happy. He was always throwing wise cracks about her, never treating her respectfully, with regard or with the specialness of love. They weren't even married. What would it like be later ? But he said he loved her. Was that supposed to be enough ? Then why wasn't it ? Why did Her love left her feeling hollow instead of valued ? As these questions tormented her heart, she looked across the road, to where he'd magically appeared. 55 minutes late. Raising his arm in salute with no expression for remorse, with a smile that used to up her heart. Now, it just left her wondering, why he didn't care about her enough to value Her time. But guess even he knew she was in love, she'd forgive him anything. She looked at him as he came towards her, noticing a bus coming from the corner of the eye. As the bus stopped she climbed on top into it, turning back to give a short wave to the face around which her life had been revolving till that moment. A face that was now full of questions. She giggled as she saw him racing his hands in exasperation. Deciding in that moment that she deserved better, she was liberated of her own chains, finally. Now, coming back to this bus stop, depended on whether someone was willing to wait for Her ...

Free

She flew out the door her heart pounding,
Colors flowing out at her,
Clouds forming shapes she never had time to notice,
She looked around at the kids playing,
jumping around, cycling,
Couples old and new showering affection through their eyes,
The world seemed anew with laughter,
Hope flew through her veins,
All her tears ebbed out with her tears,
She knew she was stronger now,
More than yesterday,
less than tomorrow,
But that was ok,
Time was on her side,
For now she finally saw life as it was,
There were rainbows in the gray too,
Full of dreams undreamed,
Ambitions that were to be followed,
Wishes that were to be made true,
She was finally free of all that had held her back,
Today and forever ...