Roots !!!

He sat looking out the window and smiled at how funny life was ?! Till yesterday, his world was secure in what he Knew. Today his world seemed to have tilted on it's axis. On his 21st birthday, he'd thought he finally felt like a Man's man. Looking in the mirror he'd thought, he could see someone he thought he could be proud of. But he didn't know the real test time would throw at him.

How could this have happened to him. Was his life a mirage, that had just gotten clearer or was the mirage the questions churning through his mind ? There was no chance that he'd get his answers any time soon or without any futher suffering. But the turmoil within his heart twisted within him like dual edged knives. Could he accept himself accept what had come before him? No, it would be a long time before he could face the fact without cursing the day he was born. What about the image that looked back at him now? Was it the same person who was there yesterday ? Or the years before or was it a person who he didn't know anymore. Who had no identity without the haze of the past being cleared. No, he wouldn't get lost! He would find his way. He would make something better from the murky waters that lay before him, taunting him to retaliate, coaxing him to question every last detail. That would only lead to loss of himself, and those he loved. No, this was a time to stand strong. Not weaken in a desperate, maybe futile and destructive attempt to find the truth. That time may come later, but it was not Now ...

Yesterday night, 3 days after his birthday, when his parents had sat him down, he'd never have imagined what was to come. Their faces had told him that something was terribly wrong. Mother had been crying and father didn't seem far behind. Fear had gripped his heart as he prepared himself for the worst.

His father after a lot of sentimental comments trying to rest his fears, had disclosed to him that he'd been adopted. That they'd tried unsuccessfully for a child of their own, for 6 years before deciding they might as well give a home to someone who needed it. They explained to him how he had lit up their lonely lives. Gave them meaning and brought laughter into their home.

Yet, they'd always lived in the dark fear that somehow, some day he'd come to know from someone else. So, they'd decided come what may, they'd tell him a few days after his 21st birthday. They didn't really know much about his parents. Only that he'd been given up for adoption the day he was born. They said they'd understand and would fully support him if he wanted to find out about his real parents. They loved him and always will. He was their son and would always be the apple of their eye.

He'd been thunderstruck during his father's heartfelt monologue. A million questions rushed through his mind, the answers to which he knew he might never get. After his father finished and asked him if he wanted to say anything, he'd remained silent. His father placed his hand on his shoulder and stood there while his son processed the bitter truth of his life. Then he'd just gotten up, wiped his tears, hugged his adoptive parents and walked up to his room, quietly wondering ...

He'd stayed awake most of the night dozing off only when he grew too tired to think. Now, as he got up and went to wash his face he decided what he needed to do.

He walked down the stairs to the dining room where his parents were already awake, ready with breakfast, waiting patiently to see what he had to say, albeit fearfully.

He sat down at his usual place, pulled a plate to him and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He looked at his parents as he took a sip. His mother's eyes were swollen and bloodshot. His father also looked like he hadn't slept either. He smiled at them, to their apparent relief -

" Mom, Dad. No matter what else I am, I'm Your son first. I'm sorry I didn't say anything last night becoz I just didn't think I'd be able to talk. I'm sorry you think that I'd leave you or think worse of you after knowing. I wish you'd had a little more confidence in me. You gave me a roof, fed me, gave me an education, priveleges, scolded me, protected me and loved me making me the man I am today.

In fact I love you both more now knowing that I might have been nothing without the kindness you showered upon me. For all intents and purposes I'm only Your son. I have your values, your habits, my life is the tree of which you two are the roots.

For now, I have no desire to find out about my real parents for two reasons. One, I have a long way to go in making my life which is more important and secondly, Maybe my real parents wouldn't like being found but that is another question that is probably futile at this point. Tomorrow, if I did decide to find them, that in no way means I don't love you as much as I did yesterday morning.

So, you see you can't get out of helping me get that apartment that I've been trying to acquire just yet. You're stuck with me forever ... " and he laughed.

And they laughed with him, with relief and the love they felt for the man he'd grown into.

We met ...

When I first saw him, mean as it may sound, he was just “ a guy “ whom I was going to marry. We’d chatted and talked and contrary to today’s day and age we both had based our choices mainly on our parents’ views. We both seemed to gel on quite a few levels and honestly speaking, I was beginning to quite like the fellow. Besides which, he had a nice home and even nicer family. The decision was made purely based on liking and practicality. I’d resigned myself to the fact that love would come after marriage or even the possibility that it might never come But of course, at quite other levels the simple doubt was, “ Would it work? “ .People can be very different from what they seem or rather, the words they use.

So, here I was, with butterflies in my stomach, not quite encouraged by questions from thunderstruck people like “ Aren’t you nervous? “ or “ You’re getting engaged? But you haven’t met him right? “ or “ Are you sure you want to do this ? “. And there he was, on a flight to Kuwait, hoping to find the same person he’s talked to all those months.

The first time I saw him at the airport, my mind went blank I think. I was thinking,” Is this for real? Here is the person I’m about to commit my whole life to and I’m not even sure if I know him. What about love? What about the magic of finding the One? “. I forged ahead, hoping for a miracle. We went home. For the first few days, it was difficult even to relate the three people I had in mind. The person I spoke to, the person on chats and web cam, and the person in front of me and i guess, neither could he. Unknown fears started gripping me. I guess, my trait of being out spoken or brash even, quite helped me out in those days and before I knew it I had opened my mouth one second and feared having inserted my foot into it the next. But there I was, having put myself out there, at the mercy of a person I hoped I knew. And there, I did find him. The few talks we had after, helped me put the small pieces of puzzle together slowly but surely. I realized the essence of the friend I’d hoped to find and before I knew it, we were opening up doors of each other’s lives and giving willful entry for free passage.

The D-day came, and though horrendously nervous, I was quite excited at the prospect of spending my life with the “friend” I was finding. After the engagement, things changed drastically and the equation between us changed too, almost magically. Maybe it’s the effect the ring, the one object that lets you Feel almost immediately, the hold you have on another’s life. We started talking the nights away with seemingly trivial matters, growing closer each minute. And how. When together, it felt like we’d known each other forever. The comfort we found with each other was like a warm blanket in the dead of winters. I knew I was beginning to fall in love with him.

I think it was more to do with the fact that when I was with him, I felt secure. As he put it once, a person has desires to be stable in two fields of life, financially and personally (referring to relationships). Materialistically, yes I had all I could desire at the time, but personally I was quite unstable. I had an emptiness within me, which before him, I could feel every minute and had lost all hope of filling either. I had never met anyone remotely like him. Being with him, I could feel that I was in safe hands and that what I thought and felt mattered to someone. I must say, even though completely new to the idea of being in a relationship, he was quite willing and open to exploring every new facet with equal understanding and enthusiasm. Besides which, the views he had, opened to me a whole new perspective. It was like seeing a new dimension to life that I had missed seeing completely. Day by day he seemed to become the kind of person that I’d hoped to get married to in my dreams. Due to my past and known experiences, I’d been warned of not to have any expectations and thus every contribution he made towards “ Us “ held meaning for me. After all the lessons life taught me, and the time I spent wondering what they meant and why I needed to learn them, I finally seemed to be getting the answers. Every stolen moment, every gesture, every thought or smile shared, every feeling opened a floodgate of emotions, which even I couldn’t comprehend. I started feeling lucky to have him and was thankful for the gift of Him in my life.

Then few days later, on a morning he said to me that before he leaves, he’d like if there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind about him or us and I felt completely loved. What touched me the most was, no one had shown that kind of consideration to My feelings before, ever. Someone had once told me, that love begins with care and certainly seemed like I was well cared for. Later that same wonderful day at the mall, standing in front of him it hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was in love. The completely gaga, head over heels kind of love, swept me away. Any doubts I had were washed away like something written on sand. I started missing him, even without him ever having left me for he was to leave within the next few days. And I think he saw it in my eyes, as I felt him realize that at that moment no one could have loved him more.

The next few days passed in me fearing his departure. In 10 days, my life seemed to have taken a U turn for the better and into a completely new direction. And now I wasn’t alone. Just 10 days. Before he came I was nervous that he was coming, and by the time he left I had tears in my eyes with the thought of him going, for I didn’t want to lose this new feeling so far. After he left, once again we went back to chats and mails and messaged and calls but now everything seemed different and beautiful. The desire to be together, like a volcano waiting to erupt and heaven forbid, if I can make it to the day we meet again. Till then, I know I shall be on tenterhooks, gloriously basking in the love that I share with him, cherishing each moment and rejoicing the many more to come.

I know I am blessed. Not many people get that lucky. I found a life partner and the love of my life in the same person and had the time to realize the value of the two as well. Now I truly believe, everyone meets his or her partner some day. I’ve started believing in miracles, the every day; seemingly unimportant kinds even, for what happened to me was a miracle. For never in my dreams had I expected the person walking out the doors of the airport to transform from “ a guy “ to “the guy” in my life , my soul mate - the kind of man I'd dreamt of marrying since forever !!!

No one knows what tomorrow holds, but for now I’m glad to have someone so wonderful walking beside me on this unknown journey, called life. For I know, that no matter what happens I will always have someone to love and cherish and call my own, making every moment a little lighter , a little brighter.




*** True Story !!!!

Reunion !!

He saw her first. She had changed in subtle ways, as he knew he had too. Her hair was longer. Nice! A little plumper, but it suited her and her eyes, her face had developed a maturity that usually comes with time. But then as her eyes fell upon him, she smiled in recognition. Her smile. Wow !! It was the same infectious smile that hid within it the happiness that one feels when getting a priceless gem.

She waved at him. As she walked towards him, she scrutinized him now. He was the same. He still had the chesire grin that he always had, as if he knew a secret that no one else knew. She smiled to herself as she remembered the old times, sitting together on the college pavement, discussing their problems. It was funny how they rarely spent time together other than when one or the other was in trouble. She tried to suppress the grin that arose from within.


" What's so funny ?! ", he asked as she got within talking distance. Pulling a chair, he gestured for her to sit down first.

" Just occurred to me once again how self involved we were in college , only talking, when we had some or other problem. Rarely spent time together other than when you or I would be sitting lost in our worlds, oblivious to others. "

He felt embarrassed for he knew itwas the truth. " You know it wasn't that. We both were from different groups, different interests. Where does one have the time ? And well ... sometimes it's difficult to juggle life !!! Hell ! I probably Was full of myself . "

She said, " Hey !! I wasn't complaining man !! I Know that. But we Both could have made some effort to you know, maybe just hang out for no reason. "

" Hmm. Yeah, well ... we have now. It's so good that you got in touch with me since you came back and decided to meet up. "

" I had to, right ?! Specially since I heard from the grapevine that you too were here and had recently got promoted. Have to take my treat also right ?! ", she chuckled.

He cackled. " Yeah. Yeah. Why not ?! That's the only thing to do with friends you truly care about. Make their wallets lighter. You're too kind, else carrying on the weight, might cause me back ache. "

She chuckled," I thought you'd probably have forgotten me. But you recognized my voice instantly. I was flattered. "

" Are you kidding me? How could I forget that melodious voice, that sounds like a million bells ....... ringing at the same time . ", he laughed heartily.

" Oh My God ! What a sad picture ?! Was that a compliment even . ", she stuck her tongue out at him. "You still laugh in the same way, like a horse who won in the derby ... "

" Don't you dare start on that. Besides, you're no better with your tongue showing. Old habits die hard I see. Now tell me, how have you been all these years ? What is up with you ? "

" Short version, I'm happy working where I am. The jobs cushy, giving me the liberty to be myself and grow at the same time. The work environment is totally awesome. At home everything is fine. Mom and Dad are enjoying time with their social circle. And elder sister got married a year back, now expecting. She's happy in her life. What bout you ? "

" Lets c !!! I've changed so many jobs, I've lost count. But with my nature, I was just flitting to find the niche where I was comfortable. Now, with the new company, I'm doing quite well. Myself feel relaxed about it. Dad used to be upset about my instability and now he's happy with that even. My younger sister is doing fine. She's in college, enjoying the liberties of being the young , pampered one at home. "

" aaaaaaaand " , she queried with a twinkle in ther eye.

" and ?? ", he wondered.

" No special someone ? ", she teased.

He grinned sheepishly. " Who'll get along with an idiot like me ?! "

" What rubbish ?! I'm sure there's a line. It's only you that's probably picky, playing with your options. " she disagreed vehemently.

" Why would you think that ?! Coz I'm a guy ? ", he winked at her.

" No, not like that. But why wouldn't anyone like you ? You're handsome, intelligent, successful, instability aside, you are still dependable , and ofcourse understanding and ... " , with her hand in the air, counting points, she realized that she was over doing it and sheepishly pulled her hand down.

" Don't stop now. It's never bad to hear your good points from a lovely lady like your self. Besides flying high above in the sky is feeling damn good ", it was his turn to tease.

" Shuddup !! ", she protested. " I don't think your ego needs more of a boost. Always were a know it all, Even if you did'nt ... ", her eyes shifted to an unknown point beyond him, her expression that of recognizing someone, slightly uncomfortable.

He turned back to look what she was looking at and saw that she was looking at a guy who was buying ice cream. " Know him ?"

Plastering a smile on her face, " No, someone I thought I knew. ", she waved her hand, dismissing the topic.

" Hmmm. Doesn't look like it, madam !! Anyone special ? ", he persisted. He was scared he wasn't coming off as pushy.

" I thought he was. But I guess I'm just not lucky in that department. Turns out I'm a worse judge of character than singer ", she bowed her head, evading his questioning eyes.

He reached over and touched her hand, " I'm sorry. " . He wished he could have punched the guy's teeth out himself.

She was taken aback. He seemed so sad for her. " Hey ! Don't be. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say . Right ?? ". She laughed. She really didn't want the hurt seeping into her present. It had taken too much from her already.

He smiled kindly, " Yup. Besides, his loss man !! What an idiot to let a catch like you slip through his hands. I'm sure you'll find someone who really deserves you. There's that saying right ? Find someone who loves you, rather than someone you love. If I were ... ", he jerked to a stop.

She looked up surprised. She looked at him slyly, " If you were what ? "

He looked down at his hand, rubbing one hand with the other. " Just something silly. You'll probably laugh. "

This shy side of him was new to her. She was intrigued. " What ? Tell me . "

" Well, in college we were in separate circles. Our lives were very different. But the time We used to be together, is what I cherish the most. When you were around, I never realized how important your being around was important to me. It's funny you mentioned us not being social other than a comfy shoulder for each other, for I so regretted not spending more time with you.
I was always just very hesitant to say hi to you for I thought my friends and yours would make fun of me or gossip about us. Yet just seeing you across from the ground or in the canteen used to make me feel good.

When we parted, I thought, Ok you know ? Some people are in your life for a season and that's that. But I missed you so much. In the last 6 years, I've kicked myself a million times for thinking about those around and not keeping in touch with your right after college. I've spent
nights wondering if I'll ever see you again. I never met another girl who I could Really talk to, You know? No one else I could share things with, laugh over nothing with, who could see the world so clearly as you could, who could make me understand things or make me feel just safe. I Wonder what would have happened, had we ... ", he looked up, his eyes with questions he was too scared to ask.

He could make out that this was the last thing she was expecting. Touching her hand lightly and continued, " Hey ! I'm sorry. I myself didn't know I'd say this to you. I thought I'd meet you and after a few meetings if you seemed comfy then I'd ask you maybe you'd like to take this a step forward. But today, seeing you, I don't know man !! I couldn't stop myself telling you, how special you are and how much you've meant to me. If nothing else, just know you deserve all the love in the world for being who you are . "

He saw her blank expression and got alarmed. How stupid of him to go on and on this way. She probably thought he had gone crazy. They were meeting after 6 years. Who remembers exactly how things were over time. She'd even met someone else in the mean time. She obviously never thought of him that way. She only thought of him becoz she heard of him from their common friends. Look at her !! She was looked so shocked as if he'd told her, He was an alien !!

She burst out laughing. And not just laughing, guffawing holding her stomach tight. She almost fell out of her chair. He was getting more and more embarrassed by the minute. Oh well ! At least he got her to laugh. That was worth something at least. Well, no it wasn't !! It wasn't that ridiculous, he thought miserably. Then there was the satisfaction that he'd tried.

When she finally stopped, and raised her face to him. She looked so beautiful, her expression held the radiance of a thousand sun rises.

" Men can be so dense. You have have no idea, do you ?! ", his puzzled look amused her. " How many nights I've stayed awake in the 2 out of 4 years of college that I've known you Hoping, Praying, Obsessing about why you wouldn't ever look at me in That light. I was so fond of you, but you never even acknowledged me in front of your friends. Each time I thought you were a selfish jerk who I would never talk to again. But each time I saw you, I would melt and specially if you were upset, I would leave whatever I was doing and be with you. My room mate scolded me, and told me to stay away from you so many times. But then when she saw that you too, would always make time for me when you saw me upset explained to me that you were just too stupid to see your true feelings for me. She told me to leave it to time for you to realize things. And here you are ..... Seven years later. Years. Oh My God !! If she only knew, She would hit you with whatever was lying around. "

She lifted her hands in exasperation and hit him on his arm, HARD . "Besides, I myself was probably at fault for never telling you what I felt. Later I wondered, being a person in today's day and age, what stopped me from telling you about my feelings. If nothing , just walked over and asked you out for a coffee, something, anything. Fear of rejection I guess. But I felt when we understood each other so well, how is it your couldn't see the hurt in my eyes. My misplaced pride I suppose.

When college got over, I thought it was probably just not meant to be. That even I was never really in love with you. I convinced myself that I was just infatuated with the need to hold onto the emotional crutch I found in you and moved on, taking it all as a childishess. But even I never found what We had anywhere else either. And a sliver of hope always remained that maybe ... " she looked wistful, let out a sigh and another self indulgent laugh. " And here you are !! " She finished with a non chalant shrug, her smile a reflection of the joke that fate had played on him.

It was His turn to be speechless. He looked at her blankly digesting everything and then slowly a smile crept to his face. He could feel a warmth creeping into his heart.

" Gawwwwd !! The years wasted ... ," he placed his hand dramatically on his heart, letting out a breath of relief " You are indeed a cracker, full of surprises . Well, no matter. Let's take it as a quirk of destiny. This way now we both are well aware even before we embark on our journey together, how important the destination is to us. Will you walk with me ?"

She nodded, and together they marveled at how lucky they were to have gotten a second chance at Love.

Closed Door !

The roses dropped from his hand just as a tear formed in his eye. His heart seemed to contract as he looked into space, lost for thoughts even.

Seven years they had been together. Tina and Rohit. The eternally romantic couple, everyone used to teased them. Rohit a manager in a leading retail company and Tina, an IT professional. Two gorgeous, successful people who totally rocked each other's worlds.

For the first 4 years they had been Really happy and then deciding that marriage wasn't yet in the cards, moved in together. One day, a photographer passing by, took pictures of them together in Liberty State Park. A few days later, the same guy called asking if Tina would be interested in modelling for a magazine ad. When the ad came out a month later, overnight their life changed. Initially they were so excited, specially Tina who always harbored a secret dream of fame and fortune. The camera, the modelling for pictures brought a thrill she'd only dreamt of experiencing. A few months later, she was offered an outdoor shoot for a tv commercial. Then on, things changed rapidly. She was coveted by leading brands and fashion designers and the outings got more frequent. Soon, they hardly saw each other. Spats over missing out on time with each other turned into heated discussions about handling fame and being jealous of her fortune. And then the fights started. Never ending, illogical, hurtful screaming matches.

Three months ago, he decided to mend everything and invite her to a candle light dinner on a cruise. Being very careful, he planned everything to her liking, making sure she would be able to make it. Thinking, maybe if they were married their differences would resolve somehow. Little did he know, when he was picking out a saphire engagement ring, that it was just wishful thinking. When she came, dressed modestly in a sari just the way he used to Love seeing her, she had sparkles in her eyes. The sparkles not from being with him, but from getting a chance at Milan. Her animated conversation about the designer, dresses, places she would visit made him feel like she was miles away from him. And when he saw her off at the airport, he felt a tug at his heart to stop her but knew in his mind that there was so way he would be able to.

The calls over the weeks became more and more infrequent and distant. He put it off to her being pre occupied. After all, she'd always been his " Teen Baby ". The same girl who he'd fallen in love with at first sight. The same girl who'd surprised him with so many gestures of romance; cherished memories. She'd come back, and hug him tight and everything would be fine. He hated coming back to the empty apartment day after day and filled the void with friends, and movies with the constant thought " This too shall pass " . There'd be a new tomorrow waiting for them.

Surprisingly, he'd gotten up this morning with a jerk. A need to meet her, see her, be with her coursed through him. With the thought of waking up, had come the thought that maybe he should just fly down to be with her. What the heck ! He had leave stored up for their wedding, but Maybe, just Maybe they could elope in Paris. Now that would be a fairytale beginning. Yes !!!
He got dressed, had breakfast and called in at his office to let them know he'd be working from home today. After the morning issues got done with, he checked his schedule and decided, he could leave the next week. He was booking his ticket online when the door bell rang.

He opened the door to be greeted by a bouquet of yellow and white roses. His heart jumped with joy knowing this was Her. It was a Sign !! They would be together forever. He was on the right path with his plans. He took the bouquet from the delivery man. Tearing open the letter he hastened to read what his Teen Baby had written.

It was as he'd suspected, many of the nights sitting alone looking out at the city. She'd met someone she Thought she loved and it wasn't fair on Him for her to be having thoughts for someone else when she knew he was waiting for her back home. She'd been thinking about this for a long time now but she just couldn't come to a decision and even her indecisiveness made her feel guilty. So it was probably better they went their seperate ways. She was sorry that it had to end like this but she didn't have the courage to face him. Someone would come by for her things later. The roses were to tell him a part of her would love him always. He deserved more than what she could give him at this time.

As he read the letter, his whole being seemed to be falling into an endless ravine. He fell to the ground, his head bowed. He sat that way till the sky started turning dark, just like his heart.

It was a long time before he stood back up, deciding it was necessary to close the door, for now. It would be a long time before he'd come out again.